Gratefulness or Great Full ness?

This gratefulness list is an ongoing project. Set aside, sometimes, but temporarily. Picked up again. Continuing on. Some days, I have to scratch and dig to find something, like a hen searching for seeds, clawing at frozen soil. Those are the days I need to do this the most. That tiny seed, clawed for and found, nourishes my heart and grows in my mind to redirect my thoughts from burdened overload to a light-hearted perspective. Which I need.

The lists in the tabs above are numbered. Now, I don't number. And, I try to think of the whys. Taking the list to the next level of why I am grateful for something. What about that person/item/situation sparks gratefulness in my heart?

My goal, here, is to update this list about once a week. Perhaps, as you browse through, you will find a spark toward gratefulness in your heart, also.

• laughing with the kids (vs. insult = humor)
• responsibility - seeing it in our kids
• awareness/observation - they asked how I taught them that (Guess Who? game?)
• Farming Game - listening to B and N talking money, acres, tractors, cows, fruit...
• cold drink with ice on a hot day
• mini golf fun outing
• fresh corn on the cob, summer treat
• homemade jellies from the Farmers' Market booth - enjoying someone else's labor, glad to pay for it
• trip plans, tickets purchased, looking forward to family visits
• 2B Mindset food plan - wow! 14 pounds down so far, sustainable nutrition plan
• re-reading Four Seasons in Rome - how Doerr distills words to perfection
• from The Book of Mysteries Day 231 "Give thanks today for all your blessings, and for all your blessings in disguise - those of the past and the still-disguised blessings of the present."
• gratefulness or greatfulness? to see that life is full of great ness
• "The brave who focus on all things good and all things beautiful and all things true, even in the small, who give thanks for it and discover joy even in the here and now, they are the change agents who bring fullest light to all the world." -Ann Voskamp
• Day 251 Book of Mysteries " The Miracle World "Imagine if the Red Sea parted at about six every morning...would no longer be amazing...we live in the miraculous...For you are already living in a miracle world."  [eg: sunrise every morning]
• passport applications sent in - trip in September! 
• a new car - wow, amazing! a first!
• one dried bean in a jar - first from crop - a small start, but a start - a literal seed investment and a reminder of the importance of every small step
• a new granddaughter - a life of beginnings for her
• boxes sorted, organized, emptied! relief of empty space
• create a 'smile file' from The Little Book Of Lykke, Meik Wiking Why?...elaborate on how they impact your life in  a positive way. This list is my Smile File
• Denver Botanic Gardens w/ H - wow! flowers - zinnias, amaranth and summer stock - ordinary flowers with far from common impact - absolutely gorgeous! wow power!
• Tiny House Festival - dreams, inspiration, new visuals to think about, plans, ideas
• another Little Book of Lykke quote: "...turn the idea of the pursuit of happiness into the happiness of the pursuit..." Happiness is a by-product of the process.
• boxes sorted and stuff gone! continuing process , freedom and clarity and 'weight-loss' (less burden)
• new backpack - looking forward to many trips with it - family visits and new scenery - plan to travel light
• PRAYING CALM - when worried about family (3 on Pike's Peak in a thunderstorm, 1 recovering from a tough birth)(capitals show how much I needed the calm...)
• A Light So Lovely, by Sara Arthur - new book about spiritual legacy of Madeleine L'Engle. Beautiful, honest - favorite quote..."she showed up..." Powerful words about her life.

Four Seasons in Rome

No, I'm not headed off to Rome for a year.

Anthony Doerr did, as part of a year-long artist fellowship he won. He, his wife and six month old twin boys traveled from their home in Idaho to an unknown apartment in an unknown city in an unknown culture speaking an unknown language (except the four hour crash course in Italian he took on a Saturday morning before they left). The journal he kept during that year became this book, Four Seasons in Rome.

"A good journal entry - like a good song, or sketch, or photograph - ought to break up the film that forms over the eye, the finger, the tongue, the heart. A good journal entry ought to be a love letter to the world."

The stories of their walk through the four seasons there, a few blocks from the Vatican, is subtitled, On Twins, Insomnia, and the Biggest Funeral in the World. Beyond recording the events, the adjustments, and the challenges, the book, for me, is a lesson in How-to-Journal.

"A journal entry is for its writer; it helps its writer refine, perceive, and process the world."

The five senses are recorded throughout - a means he uses to process his memories, and a vibrant way for the reader to be involved in the scenes he records. Sights, smells, tastes, touch, and sounds - all carefully, thoughtfully woven through his words. Standing shoulder to shoulder with mourners as the pope dies, and later, pushing their double stroller through the crowd of celebrants as the new pope is chosen. Describing to a baker, the rich bread smells around them, the focaccia bread he wants to order, misunderstanding the frustration, realizing later he was asking, in his broken Italian, for grapefruit sauce. Discovering new foods, making new friends, listening to the language, learning to understand it. Hunting down those vivid details, linking them together to build a sequence of thought, to "stay alert to the miracles of the world."

"A year is an infinity of perceptions: not just the shapes of starlings and the death of the pope and watching our sons learn to walk, but the smell of roasting meat in an alley, the dark brown eyes of a beggar on a church step, a single dandelion seed settling soundlessly onto the habit of a nun who is riding the train. This year has been composed of a trillion such moments; they flood the memory, spill over the edge of journal entries. What is it physicists tell us? Even in a finite volume, there are an infinite number of points."

In a way, this is discouraging. An infinite number of points? How could I ever catch them all? But that's not the point. Grab one. Grab two. Catch three. Record those vivid details, link together the sentences that help a reader (and me, the writer!) to see, smell, touch, taste and hear a world of beauty and miracles.

Anthony Doerr quotes Marilynne Robinson,

"There are a thousand thousand reasons to live this life, every one of them sufficient."

I think of Mary Oliver's poem,

"PAY ATTENTION
BE ASTONISHED
TELL ABOUT IT." 

Keeping a journal has been important to me for years. I have a box of old journals stashed in a closet. Never for publication, but for me to thumb back through if I am looking for notes, or find when something happened, or just for browsing. This book, Four Seasons in Rome, is not only an interesting read of their year as a family, as an artist, as an author, as part of a community, but also of the way he perceived and responded to the world around him, brilliant at capturing those images, and how he stayed alert to the miracles of the world. Now, when I write in my journal, I pay attention - not just recording feelings (as in emotions), but capturing a moment in time, using the senses as a means of paying attention, and searching for the right words.

I tried to find a good example of how he incorporates the senses in his sentences. It is an overall impression he leaves. I would call his journals, Impressionistic Journaling. Like the impressionist painters that paint in various dots and smudges and blends of color, but leave a distinct image on the canvas, he paints images with his words that leave a distinct image. Powerful, beautiful writing.

"Everything is radiant. Distant trees toss, faraway walls gleam. The mountains at the horizon have switched on like streetlights, stark and defined, giving way to more distant ranges.
Then everything goes dark again, the clouds knitted together, the mountains sucked back into silhouette, Rome sinking into shadow."

A Walking Stick

"Take this stroll through life; take a pencil as a walking stick."

-Jeff Olson, The Slight Edge 

We walk the dog, most days. We walk and talk, the son and I, about his Civil Air Patrol experiences, about the latest book he is reading, about news clips and how it will affect us, or not. Or, we just walk and gaze at the mountains, the space around us, the sky - if there is the sound of a plane or jet or helicopter, he looks until he spots it in the wide expanse of sky. The dog, she loves to get out, especially in the two open fields where we can let her off leash and she bounds around us. Blind, she bounds ahead and then back to make sure she knows where we are, staying on the familiar gravel of the path, feeling her way along, sensing somehow when it is time to turn back toward the road home, time to clip on her leash.

For me, the walk is a good time to clear my head. Release the tensions. To not think about what needs to be done back at home; instead, to absorb the space and the sky and soar with the birds.

Our daughter sent me this quote from The Slight Edge, a book we have both read, about motivation and working toward our goals, little steps at a time. She commented, "You don't have to draw life, you can write it out. Cameras can't catch how you feel when you see something picture worthy."

 The art of keeping a journal starts with the art of capturing our feelings, our responses to the life happening around us. Sometimes, I need to set aside the pen, the camera, the computer and pay attention to what is going on in the people, the sky, the animals, the plants around me. Pay attention to how I feel.

 Pick up that pencil walking stick: walk, talk, breathe, look and see, really see what is around you. Then, there will be words to express the feelings, the scenes, the events of daily life.


 

Giving Thanks

Thanksgiving. Giving Thanks. Beyond the traditional holiday, before and after, part of my journaling each day is to add to the 1,000 Gifts List (based on Ann Voskamp's  One Thousand Gifts).

Most days I already know what to write down. Scenes that caught my eye. Events that sparked gratitude. Words that spoke encouragement. Connections, relationships that are full and fulfilling. And, also, the challenges, emotions and events I need to face head-on and tackle with courage.

Some days, though, I sit there, needing an attitude check. A gratefulness generator. When I have to dig for something to write down, first, my heart needs to refocus. There is never a shortage of people/events/things/scenes/life to be grateful for. But there can be a dire shortage in my ability to see and understand and acknowledge those items.

That is where the 1,000 Gifts List comes in. It inspires me, in a gentle, quiet way, to pay attention, to see ( to learn to look) and to be aware of all there is around me. Far too easily, I zero in on the uncomfortable, the bad news, the harsh word, the shortage. All that causes me to miss out on the abundance abounding around me. Sometimes I can almost hear Ann's voice saying, "Wake up to the moments...figure out a way to stay fully awake...these fleeting moments, this is all we have...".(from her trailer for the book on the website)

I step back, take a breath, and write my list. Things I wouldn't have noticed, events that would have eluded attention, scenes I really didn't stop to admire and appreciate; they become part of my list, part of the record, the journal of my process. There are still days of foggy understanding, days of tears and frustration, days of discontent and chaos. Many, too many.

Another reason for the list is as a review tool. To thumb back through the filled in, scribbled on, quickly jotted pages [I keep a handwritten copy, then type it onto the computer, again, as a review] brings a smile and relief, filled with memories, hope and love. The foggy, frustrated, discontent, chaotic days  become colored with hope, framed with love. In spite of me and my bad attitude days. Don't think this means I'm always happy and smiling and thrilled with life. Those are the days I really need this list and the effort it takes.

Writing down the list turns my attitude inside out, spilling peace and content and calm and order, not because of me, but instead of me. Instead of my grumbles and frowns, a calm breath and quiet. Opening my line of vision beyond my narrow little world, opening my sights to greater things, to light beyond anything I could imagine or think. Beautiful. It is a process. Progress.

Saying Grace Beyond 1,000

When I began writing out my list of one thousand gifts, one thousand things, small and large to be grateful for, I imagined reaching the thousand mark with a sense of accomplishment and completion. This week, I reached that mark, and found instead that it was one more signpost on the journey, a viewpoint, a vista overlook to stop and admire the scenery before continuing on.

This list is not completed, rather just beginning as I learn to take a moment, pause, and savor the cup of life brimming over with blessings and gifts – tiny things like the steam rising from my coffee, or huge things like job and relocation decisions.  I am still retyping the list, lost in cyberspace a few weeks ago, copying from the notebook where I have kept a duplicate hard copy list. (Click above on A Counting of One Thousand Gifts to see my list)

Even on days when my emotions are running rampant and the tears flow; when the day’s complications leave a storm of confusion and chaos; when the bustle hasn’t left many moments for contemplation, writing this list opens a door to the opportunity to pause, to recall the joys (interesting word: re-call, to call them up again, review them happily), and to face the challenging moments.

In Ann Voskamps’s book, One Thousand Gifts, she uses a word, eucharisteo.  Jesus, as He breaks the bread and says grace (eucharisteo), expresses gratefulness and gratitude for the sustenance of life. He also gives us a vivid illustration of Himself, broken and given as a blessing to us for the sustenance of our lives now and eternally. Writing this list, one thousand and beyond, causes me to pay attention, to be aware, to understand how many, many opportunities there are to “say grace” throughout the day.  Each time I jot down something I see or hear or appreciate, or, each item on the list that marks a difficult challenge, a tough lesson, a signpost has been placed. The view changes from  overwhelming dark clouds, to a cup brimful of blessings.  The grace, the light glows through the dark clouds and I find the peace in the pause of “saying grace.”

One of Those Moments

Last week, I typed in that day's 1,000 Gift List, clicked "Publish" just like I have done every day since February, and clicked "View Blog" just like every other day. Instead of the last entry at #932, the latest entry was #63. Uh-oh.
869 markings of steps on my journey toward gratefulness and seeing the Lord's blessings, gone. Erased like the ocean waves washing out footsteps on the sand. Gone.

My little laptop has moments of efficiency and effective work (like me).  But also, (like me) it has moments of complete random shut-down and slow incompetence. Losing my gift list was one of those moments. Our computer literate daughter checked the files for me. Her verdict? Gone.

My trustworthy hard-copy hand-written duplicate notebook came in very handy. Fortunately, I wanted a written copy to keep open on my desk to easily add to the list and to be easily portable to carry with me.

Each day now, I set the timer for twenty-five minutes and type, re-posting the list on to the computer. Instead of being a point of frustration, the time spent is an enjoyable review of the hundreds of blessings documented over the last six months, full with rich memories and hope.

A measure of my days is how alert and aware I am to the blessings that surround me. Is my focus on all that is wrong in this moment, or am I able to focus on the gifts of the moment.  I want to see, really see the abundance that overflows into my life. This task of re-typing the gifts has helped me to slow down, enjoy re-reading and remembering, and appreciate the gift moments of life.

Gifts of Change

The last three days had a distinct theme:  Change.  If there were plans or expectations, they changed. Each day, Friday afternoon through Sunday had unexpected surprises. Some good surprises, some not-so-good.  The events of this weekend had me thinking a lot about gratefulness and flexibility and paying attention to all the little things that surround me abundantly.  Not to focus on the disappointment or frustration, but to be aware and awake to the details of beauty and peace and love and contentment.

Since February I have been keeping a list, inspired by One Thousand Gifts, Ann Voskamp's book of her own journey making a list and the changes that happened in her heart and mind and life.  I have mentioned this before, and post my list each day (click on the tab above).  For today, here is my list from this weekend; just a few of the blessings sifted and sprinkled through my days.

683 happy purr from the cat cozied up with son

682 quiet afternoon to read

681 breakfast with daughter after our exercise session, before she leaves for work

680 watching kids in new experiences, sharing excitement with them

679 texting connections with distant kids

678 sorting out my thoughts in a journal

677 matilija poppy blooming

676 seeds sprouting

675 late evening walk, sun setting behind the hills

674 yummy dinner smells as son is cooking the meal

673 weight loss milestone, progress

672 health scare, then relief

671 last three days about changed plans, the unexpected sifted in with the routine

670 long walks - good to be outside, moving, grateful for the scenery and the ability

669 one cat stalking the other, thinks he's such a tough guy - pretty funny

668 dishes washed, counters clean

667 clean swept floors

666 familiar Bible verses - still a fresh perspective - more to learn

665 new hollyhock blossoms

664 sweatshirts on a cool morning

663 feeling sad when events change or plans disrupted - yet points me to how much I have, how many blessings surround me

662 a son's surprise visit

661 evening fog rolling in over the hill

660 kids who want to sit and chat with me

659 son's school progress, achievement, personal best

658 books to read

657 tennis shoes for walking, exercising

656 flowers blooming, bright colors

655 determination, persistence = until you succeed, quote as a reminder on my calendar page

654 brainstorm session, ability to think, plan, change, grow

653 quick afternoon nap

This weekend, unexpected changes became unexpected gifts.

Mini-Books

I could go to the store and buy a little spiral notebook, but I like using something I've made myself, that is personal to me.
We learned to make these mini-books in our home teaching, and have used them for vocabulary words, multiplication tables, learning the presidents, etc. etc.
Now, I make them for my food journal: to write down everything I eat, calories, our exercise sessions, the water I drink, and progress when I reach certain weight-loss goals.
For this example, I'll use three pages, which yields a ten page mini-book.

I like to use colored papers. Fold them in half, cut along the fold.

Fold in half again, insert together, in two separate piles.

Mark one inch from each edge, on the fold.

Cut one pile from the edge to the mark from each end, top and bottom, on the fold.  Cut the other pile between the marks, trimming just along the fold, from mark to mark.

Loosely fold the pieces with the edge cuts (not creasing) and tuck them inside the pieces with the center cut out.  Push it half-way through, then unfold, tucking the cut part over the center pieces, top and bottom.  Smooth out the folds. If necessary, trim edges to match.

Your mini-book is ready for - for whatever you want.  A letter to someone, project lists, book notes, favorite quotes, daily journal, menu ideas, party-planner, garden plans, sketches.....
What could you use one of these mini-books for?

Traveling Light

     A library sale. The books at a thrift store. A book sale anywhere.  Amazon on-line. If you're looking for me at the store, I'll be in the book section  (or the plant nursery, but that's another story). I do not enjoy shopping, unless it involves books (or plants). I love books, of all different types, with knowledge and adventures and advice and inspiration and humor and vicarious life and wisdom hidden between their covers.  
     I found this little gem, Traveling Light for Mothers, by Max Lucado, at a library sale. It's a cute little book, only 5x5 inches, but don't be deceived by its diminutive size.  It is power packed. This book is the inspiration behind this blog, and behind the direction I've been setting in my life.

     After I'd read the book several times, I took the theme of each chapter and listed them in my journal on the front page.  I listed the spiritual side, like letting go of past hurts and regrets, and the practical side; getting rid of stuff, clearing out the closets and cupboards of hidden stuff.


     For me, this continues to be a very revealing exercise, and it opens up ways to pay attention and put actual footsteps to my thoughts. I have re-copied this into each new journal as I fill up the old ones for several years now, adjusting a few points as I go, but the list has stayed pretty much the same - always new levels, new layers, more progress to be made in the process of learning to travel lighter through life.
    

A Journaling Journey

     These blog posts are a type of journal entry each day.  I have kept a devotional journal and a personal journal (most days) for several years.  Adding these posts to my journaling helps me pay attention to little daily details, observing what goes on around me, listening and appreciating and enjoying life as it happens each day, and learning to articulate and share them.

     I recently read a quote by Gwen Diehn in her book, The Decorated Page: "Keeping a journal is truly a journey.  The very words come from a common root: the Old French word journee meaning 'day'.  A journey originally meant the distance traveled in a day; a journal was a book in which one would record a day's events."

     Keeping a daily journey-record causes me to slow down enough to listen, to see, to smell, to taste, to touch, to think, and enjoy the gifts discovered as I travel across my days.